Listen in on LIVE, UNSCRIPTED Coaching Session from NBC-HWC Coach

Dr. Cooper

Welcome to the latest episode of the Catalyst Health, Wellness, and Performance Coaching Podcast. I’m your host, Dr. Bradford Cooper of the Catalyst Coaching Institute. And if this is your first time to join us, welcome. If you’re one of our regular listeners, who’ve been with us throughout our 130 episodes to date, thank you. You have plenty of options vying for your time, and we’re grateful. You’ve chosen to make this a priority in your life. Today’s episode is by special request. It’s an unscripted real live coaching session provided by Tammy Duncan, a nationally board certified health and wellness coach. It’s one of our special throwback episodes and was recorded with the permission of both the client and the coach. And the insight you’ll garner from hearing it are tremendous. If you never experienced a coaching session with a national board certified coach, I think you’ll be amazed at what can happen in a brief 20 minutes in this case session. It’s also likely to, as you listen to their discussion, you’ll identify with some of the things Susan, the client is wrestling with either directly or indirectly. Their discussion may help you to work through parts of your own journey. And of course, if you’re a current or future health and wellness coach, you’re certain to pick up a few ideas of your own to enhance your coaching skills. In fact, once the session is over the coach and the client spend a few minutes providing a debrief about the session, what they learned, what they might’ve done differently. And that’s probably something you want a stick around for. Speaking of current and future health and wellness coaches, our final wellness coach, fast track certification training of 2020 is coming up October 17th and 18th, and you can start the on demand aspects of the training anytime you’d like. All the details available at CatalystCoachingInstitute.com, as always feel free to reach out to us with any questions, Results@CatalystCoachingInstitute.com. Now let’s listen in to this real live unscripted coaching session with a nationally board certified health and wellness coach on the latest episode of the Catalyst Health, Wellness, and Performance Coaching Podcast.

Tammy

Hi, Susan, just wanted to see, kind of thank you first of all, for just coming in and just wanted to see what you would like to focus on for today.

Susan

You know, really right now I am overwhelmed. There’s a lot going on and I feel like my head is spinning a lot of the time and I can’t really, hunker down on one thing or for a long period of time.

Tammy

Hm. So you’re feeling burdened and just kind of like you’re in a whirlwind.

Susan

Yes, absolutely. There’s just a lot going on. I mean, being, you know, I’m 47. I have, three girls that are, two are teenagers, one’s 11, but then I’m sandwiched between that and then my precious mom and dad and my inlaws who are, you know, their health is failing them and they’re on other side of the country!

Tammy

They are. Okay.

Susan

And it’s just a lot. Um, and, and then also working and taking care of everyone and, you know, it’s just, it’s hard.

Tammy

Yes. So are you feeling pressure to be near your family?

Susan

That is a very, um, yes, yes I am. I am. And I can’t, that’s the frustrating piece is that, you know, we moved out here 14 years ago to Colorado and now that you know, my family, my parents, my husband’s parents, and then my aunt and uncle, you know, they’re getting older and the caregiving I have to do from out here, which I do, but sometimes it would be nice just to be there more often and be able to put my hands on them and, you know, be able to help more.

Tammy

Yes. So with all of that, so with your family, that’s their health is failing and your family now, your kids, your husband, where do you kind of find space for your own self?

Susan

Um, well, I, I play tennis which is good. Yeah, I tried journaling for a little while. Um, so I haven’t really found recently the space. I mean, I have space for sure, but it’s, it’s, um, what it is that I want to put in that space. That is, um, most, um, beneficial that helps me to grow and, and, um, and not even grow just to be peaceful. Um, you know, I am very spiritual, um, and maybe I’m not devoting enough time to that. I just, I, I don’t know, um, where it is. Cause I feel like I’m always moving.

Tammy

Yes. When you kind of reflect back on maybe a season where, Oh, this is a time where I felt energized. This is a time where I felt fed and where I felt like not necessarily that I had time for everything, but I felt like I had, um, you know, some claim on time. Do you, do you recall anything that, um, sticks out to you that you were doing in that season?

Susan

Hmm. I can’t think of a season recently that was like that. Um, you know, I mean before children, yeah. I was a teacher, um, and that was very fulfilling. Um, then, you know, having to, when my children were young, I think it was very fulfilling because you could physically, um, fix things and, you know, do things to take care of them. It looked very different than it does now. Um, and maybe that piece, um, was that time period was, was nice. Um, yeah, but lately it’s been kind of crazy.

Tammy

Yeah. Well, and your kids are in a new season, so you, like you said, um, at that time you were kind of the fixer and you were somebody that was a caretaker and they needed you and they depended on you. Right. And so you have these teenagers that are growing into some independency where they don’t need as much of that. And so you truly have to kind of let go and step back it. Do you feel like that’s difficult for you to let that go? Is that, is that what you’re mourning a little bit?

Susan

Actually, yes. That’s exactly what’s happening now that you say that. I think is I have, I do have more time and more space and I don’t know what to do. I mean, I’m there to help guide them. Um, but part of being a teenager is to figure it out on their, their own and to let them make the mistakes now. Um, so yeah, now that you say that maybe that’s what’s going on is I’m just like, what do I do?

Tammy

Yeah.

Susan

And it’s not that I don’t have things to do. I mean, I work and things like that, but it’s, it’s almost like I need more purpose.

Tammy

Yeah. Hmm. That’s good.

Susan

Um, because I have a lot to give and I love giving, I just need, I just feel like I need more to give, which is, is such a paradox because I was talking about with caregiving, but now I’m, I’m here. I can’t physically caregive for my parents. So, um, yeah.

Tammy

So yeah, that’s an interesting place to be, of kind of going, okay, well, what do I do with this new season? It sounds like that’s where you are of, okay, my purpose as a mom even is changing, my purpose as a daughter and relative of these family members is a little different. Um, and so how do I, you know, weave that and, and sometimes, you know, I think that we as moms, especially, we kind of like, it’s hard for us to know, well, what, what is my role kind of, um, move into? If I’m not caretaking then, what am I doing? Um, and so maybe that’s some of that. Do you feel like that, um, that purpose, do you, um, does anything come to mind as far as just direction and even maybe learning what that direction is? If that makes sense?

Susan

Um, yeah. I mean, yes. Um, something that has been on the top of my mind and I’ve been talking about for a while is, is going back to get my counseling degree. Um, but I, I go back and forth. Like, I, you know, one hand I’m like, if I do that, will I not have enough time to take care of my family? Um, that kind of goes in the back of my mind. But to your point, you said just a few minutes ago, they don’t really need me as much as they used to. Um, and they’re, they’re pretty self sufficient. I mean, my 11 year old needs me more. Um, but my husband works from home and, and that’s been a change too back in May he started working from home. And so that looks very different from when he used to travel and, you know, he would be gone from eight to six every day. Um, that’s been a change too. And so it has freed up even more time for me because he’s helping, um, with the children and he’s available. Um, so yeah, so a lot of things have changed. Um, and maybe that’s, you know, that’s kind of interesting that, that I just realized that, that a lot of things have changed. And when a few, you know, maybe a year ago I looked at the counseling and I was like, absolutely not. I can’t. Cause there was too much going on. Now, seems like it’s something that I could do and I’m getting closer to. Yeah.

Tammy

Yeah. Yeah. That’s awesome. Well, I feel like that’s something you’re excited about and really these changes are exciting. I mean, this is good transition. And especially when you feel good about your daughters, those, your older daughters that are, you feel good about them being, doing things on their own. It’s not that you need to hover over them. Um, you feel good about that. Your husband’s at home now, so that that’s also comforting, you know, that’s also, um, such a good thing. And so it sounds like there’s things that are kind of in place for you. Do you feel that way?

Susan

You know, with my spirituality, um, I keep asking, you know, you know, God, please tell me when, where, you know, I’m waiting. And you’re right, like I just need to step back and say, he’s telling me I just need to trust him. And it may not be perfect and it may not go exactly as I think it should, but it, it might be time to trust that he has lined things up so that I can do this and I can give back. Um, I think that’s, that’s a big piece.

Tammy

Yes. So if you were to do the counseling degree, if that’s something you thought I’m going to do that, um, what do you see as, I mean, what joy or what good things do you see coming from a decision like that?

Susan

A focused learning. And then, um, being able to give back, um, just our family has had a lot of challenges as all families do. Um, and we’ve worked with a lot of counselors and I just think it’s necessary right now. I feel a calling, um, to be there for other people in that way. Um, so yeah, I think so you asked what good will come from that, that, you know, getting closer to having that purpose of being able to give back in that way.

Tammy

Yeah. So it’s not only using your skills. It’s also, this is for the good of other people. This is what’s happened in my own life, I want to return that.

Susan

Yes. And I’ve experienced a lot of things that I feel like I have some perspective on that I could share.

Tammy

That’s amazing.

Susan

And walk with them. Like we do, you know, with the coaching, it’s the same type of thing, but with a little bit more, um, you know, they would be challenged in different ways.

Tammy

Yes. That’s good. Any obstacles that you see if you were to decide, yes, I’m doing this, what would be the challenges for that?

Susan

Time and finances. Yes. And those are the things I’m looking into right now, actually. I’m trying to be inspired by many others who make things work. And I know it can work. I just have to, you know, trust.

Tammy

Yes, yes. And we can always make those excuses. Right. It’s like those pop up before, sometimes way before the positive things do and they can kind of crowd out some of those positive thoughts as well. Um, so yeah. So I guess when you kind of think about what, what we’re talking about today, I mean, what, do you feel like, okay, I need to make a decision about the counseling or do you feel like no, I really kinda need to, it needs to be something else that, that I need to fill myself with.

Susan

I think that’s a really good question. I think I should move forward with applying. Um, however, I still think short term, like that’s more of a longterm goal. Um, short term, I still need to figure out how to create more peace and maybe it is just to, um, I don’t know. I don’t know how to create more peace, honestly. I’m trying. Yeah. But I think short term I do, there’s gotta be something I need to work on something else. Um, I love reading, I read a ton. Um, yeah.

Tammy

Yes. Yeah. So you’re, it sounds like you’re kind of feeling that you need, you almost need to establish some, some peace and contentment before moving on to this, this degree. Okay. And so what is the first step with that? Is it finding something that you truly, that will feed you? Or is it, I mean, it sounds like you’re not really sure how to create that peace. Um, what can I offer to help you?

Susan

I, I don’t know. I mean, it’s, it’s interesting. It’s um, I wish I knew. Um, that’s, that’s a troubling part.

Tammy

Yeah. Can I offer just a suggestion?

Susan

Any suggestions you want to give me, I am happy to hear.

Tammy

Well, let me ask you this before I offer that. Do you already kind of have a quiet time like that set in the day?

Susan

No. Okay. And to your point, maybe I need more structure.

Tammy

Okay.

Susan

Yes. Maybe, maybe that’s a piece of what’s going on.

Tammy

Okay. Yeah. What I was going to offer was just even just morning structure, like say, you know, but whenever you get up, you know, 7:00 AM, whatever that is, 7:00 AM to 11:00 AM is going to be structured. And let’s not worry about the rest of the day. I know that you have a job and probably the rest of the day, is that any way, but whatever timeframe you want to make that. And so you decide, I’m going to write in seven to 8:00 AM create peace, and that’s all I’m going to write on that. And then you kind of reflect each morning during that time. What do I need during this time? What is going to bring me peace? Um, and so, and then the rest of the time is structured with whatever you want, you know, tea and reading or, or whatever it is, but just, just a timeframe for creating peace. Um, and since you don’t know what that is, and I don’t know what that is. I think that when you, um, enter that time each morning, it’s going to start to come to you. What are your thoughts about that?

Susan

I love that, it reminds me of the Bible verse that I have even I’ve had people give me a necklace. My daughter has it. It’s be still and know that I am God. And it’s, it’s a, that’s a challenge for me. Yeah, and maybe that’s yes, most of us. So maybe that’s what I do is put, you know, make sure that that Bible verse is ingrained. But then I love that create peace and, you know, it could be in the morning, but I also could do it at night. And it’s my time and I let my family know I’m creating peace now, whatever that means. Exactly. I love that. Yeah. I love that.

Tammy

Okay. So do you picture yourself in the evening more so than in the morning?

Susan

No. No. Okay. No, I see, um, both time as opportunities to do so.

Tammy

Yeah. Okay. So, and tell me, so if you do, if you decide that that, that is what you would like to do, what is your accountability like? Is it your phone? Is it, what do you use? What tools do you use for those kinds of things?

Susan

My calendar.

Tammy

Okay.

Susan

I mean, it would be where I need to, the night before, look at my calendar and say, okay, this is a good time. Or it could be, I try mornings for a little while. Um, middle of the day is also a good time for me. Um, like after lunch is a good time. Um, and then, yeah, maybe it would be morning or middle of the day, depending on my work schedule. That is, that is good just to have that time to create peace.

Tammy

Yeah. I like it. Okay. So if we were to kind of say here, here’s the goals, here’s the focus, it sounds like it is nightly, look at the calendar and write in, or is it weekly write that in all through the week? What, what would it be?

Susan

I think it would be weekly. Cause that’s, that’s pretty much how I do my calendar. Um, yeah, it would be weekly for sure.

Tammy

Okay. Um, okay. So weekly, write in, create peace in a timeframe slot that you want. Um, and then, I mean, this, the other focus, I guess, would truly be just to let yourself be during those times. Um, and just to kind of let, let yourself kind of realize what, what it is that it’s going to create peace, maybe it is just being quiet. I think that’s all you need, but maybe something will come to you as well, perhaps.

Susan

Yes. Yes. That’s wonderful. Just space. I think you used that earlier today. Yeah. I just need space.

Tammy

Yeah. Okay. I love it.

Susan

Me too. Just to process. Yes. To process, reflect.

Tammy

Okay. Love it. Anything else that you would say would be a good focus with this?

Susan

No focus. No, I mean, I think you, you, you, you know, the space piece, I think, I think that’s what I’m coming to realize is that my brain is always going, I mean, even at 3:00 AM in the morning, right. It’s always moving and go and thinking and processing and I think I just need some downtime.

Tammy

Okay. That sounds wonderful. All right. Well, we’ll check in on these things and I’ll see how it’s going in a few weeks. Sound good?

Susan

Yes. Thank you so much, Tammy.

Tammy

Yes. Thank you, Susan.

Tammy

Okay. I felt like that went really well, at the beginning though, I was a little like where, this is, this is wide open. So I’m like, Oh boy, this could be hard to focus in on one thing.

Susan

Right, right. And it was, I mean, coming here today, I just, I actually thought it would be a little bit more about stress, which it kind of was, but it was really neat how it unfolded and, and the questions that you asked, but then your reflections, those were what helped me to kind of figure out exactly where I am.

Tammy

Yeah. Yeah. I was, it’s funny, cause I, I felt like I, you know, we can always relate to things, you know, and sometimes I get real excited about putting my own input in and I was like, Oh, I hope I’m not doing too much of that, of my own. Like, you know, I think, and I believe that. So anyway, I was hoping that reflections were coming through and not just, here’s what I think. So, yeah.

Susan

And you did such a beautiful job, um, you know, with your reflections, they were dead on. Um, and they, weren’t simple because being a coach, you know, is not, they weren’t simple. They were, you, you dug a little bit deeper and you were right on, um, which is what led me to be able to figure out, okay, I just need this space. Um, because you know, it’s always going from one thing to the next and worrying about a bunch of different people. And sometimes, you know, you can’t see what is it, the forest for the trees or whatever that saying is because there’s just too much going on.

Tammy

Yes. Yes. There’s that other perspective that kind of clears the way, right? It’s like kind of clears those trees out of the way so that you can see a little bit better. So I’m glad that that helped with that. And I think, we do, we have, and I think with coaching, it is, it’s so apparent that we have so much going on and it’s like, if we can just zoom in to what we actually need, it’s like, that’s where wellness kind of comes from. Right. It’s like, well, we’re taking care of everybody else, but it’s like, what do I need for my own wellness? And sometimes we feel selfish about that, but it’s, it’s so great to like, to kind of bring clients to a place of, this is vital for you so that you can do all these other things beautifully and well

Susan

Absolutely. Huh. Because, because what happens is what’s happened to me is, you know, just through that is thinking, you know, my sleep has been affected and that’s a physical piece. Um, you know, I have to be careful about, um, exercise because that can also, um, not allow space because it’s so focused and, um, it’s moving. Yeah. And, um, you know, and that doesn’t allow space for me. Everyone is different. Um, so I think that was, that was another something that I was able to sift through, um, is that I need quiet, whatever that is. And it means, if I can shut my brain down long enough just to, like you said, I like the word reflect myself on okay, what do I need? Yes. Right. And we talk to our clients about that all the time. But it’s hard to do.

Tammy

Right. And a lot of, I know that, you know, in this, it was like, okay, I was kind of racking my brain at one point going, okay, what, does she need more tennis? Does she need, I was kind of going through like what you had mentioned that you love, you know, you love to read. And, and so then I was like, you know what, I don’t, I don’t really have the answer. So I felt like you, I knew that you didn’t have the answer because you, you said that yourself. And so I felt like you needed to make that clear to yourself in, in your own practice of, of sitting and listening or whatever, you know, having that space. And so I kind of, I, I appreciated that I couldn’t give you the answer, honestly, I couldn’t offer you much to say, well, here’s what I think you need to be doing. Not that we do that as coaches necessarily, but I wanted to so much, you know, it’s like I wanted some, since you didn’t know, I was like, well, I want to know what the answer is, but I really didn’t.

Susan

Wow, Tammy, that’s huge because you know where I am now, you really listened to where I am now. Do you know what I mean? If we had gone through a list of things to do, it would have been something that I would have taken home and not done.

Tammy

Yes. That’s so true.

Susan

That’s not what I need. Um, interesting. Yes. And you really heard that and you allowed me that space. Yes. To figure out where I need space. That’s huge.

Tammy

Cause do you ever feel like we’re, we’re in, sometimes we want to be fixers, you know, we want to be, we want to have the answer because well, we live out wellness really well. So, so surely we have all the answers, but we don’t, you know, and everybody’s so different and unique. And so it’s like, what would work for me, isn’t going to work for you. And so I can’t push that on you. Um, so yes.

Susan

And you did such a beautiful job with that.

Tammy

Well, thank you. And thanks for sharing all of that.

Susan

Well, it was, it was really good. And now I’m looking forward to creating space.

Tammy

Yes. I’m looking forward to hearing about it. Seriously,

Dr. Cooper

Powerful process, isn’t it. You can see why we brought this one back. If you’d like to hear more examples of real life coaching sessions, you can actually find two more in the podcast library. If you go back to episode number 10 or episode number 21, I was actually the person being coached in the number 10 episode. And I’ll tell you the positive results from that session specifically are still providing benefits today almost two years later. Thank you for tuning into the number one podcast for health and wellness coaching. We are so grateful to have you join us in this journey. Next week’s episode features an interview about the use of CBD with Harvard physician, dr. Peter Princeville. We’re hearing more and more about CBD these days. So we wanted to bring in a credible guest to fill us in on the evidence folks. Now it’s our turn, our turn to take that step to move forward, to make the most of every opportunity, especially those opportunities to help someone else through this journey of life. This is Dr. Bradford Cooper, of the catalyst coaching Institute, signing off, make it a great rest of your week. And I will speak with you soon on the next episode of the catalyst, health, wellness, and performance coaching podcast, or maybe over on the YouTube