“I just don’t have enough discipline.”
Nope. Sorry. That’s not the problem.
This default statement is a bit like the popular “humblebrag” (feigning humility to highlight an accomplishment). We appear to take responsibility but – knowingly or otherwise – we instead blameshift to this mystical D force we call discipline. It is subtly, and repeatedly, treated as a trait (similar to height or shoe size) – part of who we are but not something over which we have any control. If discipline is to blame, I’m off the hook, because “hey – what could I do?” As a result, our lives repeatedly miss the mark because we’re pointing in the wrong direction!
It’s a personal subterfuge that makes perfect sense in light of the abundance of larger-than-life personalities showing off their supposed discipline on social media. However, take a closer look. Are they actually demonstrating discipline or just showing off? Are they revealing their journey through an area of personal struggle? An element that is difficult but they’re moving forward, nonetheless? Or is it simply “same song, second verse” with a side dish of 6-pack abs to keep us engaged? You know the answer. Like the Broadway actors in New York’s famous theater district, they’re playing a role on the biggest stages, leaving reality hidden behind the curtain.
Let’s take a step back. How “disciplined” are you about brushing your teeth each night before bed? Do you pump yourself up with some pre-brush music? Create accountability with a toothbrushing online group? Practice self-talk strategies you can implement as toothbrush time draws near? Of course not. You probably don’t even think about it because you’ve automated the process!
Which is exactly the point. Discipline is a short-term strategy. Yes – there are times when we take on a new challenge or our energy levels are lacking, requiring us to tap into our fMT (functional mental toughness) Bank. However, while discipline can provide a valuable initial spark or the occasional bridge, it makes for an awful core strategy. Setting ourselves up to require discipline for ongoing pursuits leaves our bank empty, unavailable to create personal growth in other areas. If our social media personalities referenced earlier truly require discipline for their on-screen (usually athletic) pursuits, they’re inadvertently making this exact point. By emptying the tank to hit the gym at 4 AM (or whatever makes for a good video), perhaps they don’t have any discipline left to pursue a new degree, expand a valued relationship, or any number of other (less photogenic) life-enhancing alternatives?
Ok – so if it’s not discipline, what IS the key?
Automation. Make the better choice the easy, or preferred, or automatic choice! Many habit researchers we’ve interviewed on the Catalyst 360 podcast (Wendy Wood, BJ Fogg, Kelly McGonigal…) have made this point long before our Head – Heart – Feet model came to the forefront. If we are unable to make the shift from head (initial discipline) to heart (tapping into or creating our “why” within the pursuit) and then to feet (the automation process), then it is unlikely to continue over time. Like the child who gets stuck in a developmental stage of childhood, we often do the same within the Head/Heart/Feet stages. We either depend too much on discipline (head) or await the spark of positive feelings (heart), thus planting land mines along our path forward. Automation turns that path into a real-world version of the airport terminal’s travelator (moving walkway).
Perhaps dependence on personal “discipline” – at least as an ongoing strategy – belongs in the red flag word junk pile along with “busy” (translation: I’m living on debt related to my time), “should” (meaning someone thinks it’s important but I don’t yet agree), and “fine” (color optional in life). However, doing so can create an uncomfortable vacuum in our lives. Eliminating this option results in a veritable black hole of uncertainty where we were previously able to deflect personal responsibility over to the socially acceptable lack of discipline. Now the responsibility is on me. I must step into that gap. The shield of discipline is now replaced by the sword of decision.
However, that doesn’t have to be the case. Brain researcher/neuroscientist Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett reminds us our “self” is constructed anew every moment – and thus can also be reconstructed. As long as we’re in the process of building, why not create a structure with a firm foundation?
